Finding the Self by Subtraction

We spend our lives in a process of addition. We collect degrees experiences job titles relationships and possessions. We build an identity layer by layer. I am a programmer. I am a father. I am an optimist. I am a homeowner. Each label adds to the structure we call me.

This structure feels solid until it is not. A job is lost. A relationship ends. Our health fails. Suddenly the identity we have built starts to crumble because its foundation was made of temporary things. We are left feeling lost because the labels we identified with are gone.

There is another way. An ancient way. It is a process not of addition but of subtraction. The Upanishads call it Neti Neti. It means not this not this.

It is a simple but profound investigation. Instead of trying to define what you are you look at all the things you believe yourself to be and you recognize that you are not them. It is a process of elimination.

The Things We Mistake for Ourselves

The most obvious place to start is the body. We are deeply identified with it. We say I am hungry or I am tired. But the body is something you experience not something you are. It is constantly changing. Cells are born and die. It grows ages and decays. You are the constant presence that witnesses these changes.

The body is your instrument not your identity. It is a vehicle you inhabit for a time. Recognizing this is the first step.

You are not your body. Not this.

Next comes the mind. This is a harder one. We are identified with our thoughts feelings and memories. We think I am a smart person or I am an anxious person. But thoughts are like clouds in the sky. They appear drift by and dissolve. You are not the clouds. You are the sky in which they appear. You are the silent awareness that observes the thought I am angry or the feeling of sadness. The thoughts and feelings are temporary events. The awareness that perceives them is constant.

You are not your mind or your thoughts. Not this.

Then we have our roles and achievements. I am a founder. I am a parent. I am a winner. These are functions we perform or stories we tell ourselves. They are useful and important but they are not our essence. The role of a parent changes as a child grows. A company can fail. These roles are like clothes we wear. We can change them. They are not the person wearing them.

You are not your roles or your history. Not this.

A Practical Mental Exercise

This is not just an abstract philosophy. It is a practical tool for clarity. You do not need to sit in a cave to practice it. You can do it right now in the middle of your life.

When a strong emotion like anger or fear arises notice it. Instead of saying I am angry try framing it as I am aware of anger arising in me. This small shift in language creates a space. In that space you can see the anger is an event in your consciousness not the totality of your consciousness.

When you are at work deeply involved in your role as a designer or a manager take a moment. Remind yourself that this is a role you are playing. You are playing it with skill and dedication but it is not you. The real you is the one who is aware of playing the role. This prevents your ego from getting too entangled with success or failure at work.

Neti Neti is a method of dis-identification. It systematically unplugs your sense of self from everything that is temporary and changing. What is left when you have negated the body the mind and the roles?

What Remains

Some people hear this and think it sounds like nihilism. If I am not my body or my mind what am I? Nothing?

It is the opposite of nihilism. By letting go of what you are not you discover what you truly are. What remains is the witness. The pure awareness that was there when you were a child and is here now. It is the silent subject that perceives all the objects of your experience. It is the one constant in your entire life.

This is not an empty void. It is a source of profound stability and peace. When your identity is not tied to the fluctuating fortunes of your body mind or circumstances you become free. You can still enjoy your successes and navigate your failures but your core being is untouched. You are acting in the world but you are anchored in something beyond it.

This practice of subtraction does not weaken you. It makes you stronger. It clarifies your purpose. You stop wasting energy defending a fragile constructed identity. Instead you start acting from a place of quiet confidence in the awareness that you are.

— Rishi Banerjee
September 2025